Kala

Seberapa jauh sebuah redam menuai sunyi,
jika kala menanti hari diujung senja?

Seumur mata memandang langit,
Sepertinya redam terus berdentam tak kunjung sunyi
dan kala selalu menanti hingga titik senja.

sepertinya ajaib...

Ajaib..
ada yang aneh kali ini.
seperti bunga matahari yang mekar di salju.

Ajaib..
pasti akan terjadi sesuatu yang ajaib.

disaat mata tak kuat menahan lelah,
tubuh laksana bambu yang terus menerus diterpa angin,
dan rasa yang hilang ditelan kosong,
bisa jadi ini memang ajaib.

Malaikat yang baik hati,
biarkan ajaib ini berakhir dengan pendar mata,
tegapnya raga,
dan penuhnya rasa.

sedekat ini atau sejauh itu?

jika selangkah berjarak hanya seinci,
rasanya seperti seribu langkah harus kulalui.

jika memang harus kupacu secepat ini,
mungkinkah kan ku dapati?

...you never know

She asked me sumthin funny but though kinda tickle me “how do I know that he is someone that I really want?”

Fyuihhh, darling, you are asked to the wrong person, I’m still single and still though don’t find any delicate soul to feed my long lost soul. Why you asked anyways?

Sist, you know there is someone that always brings you back and it never takes too long?

Yeah, then?

Argh, why I never feel so in love to him? Why sometime he makes something better better so bad, or makes me happy and sad at the same time.

So, what do you want, sist?

Don’t have any idea.

Ah, then you have to find it first. After you find what you want, you can come back to me and complain about him.

I really want to know what I want. How?

How? You are the only one who know, if you don’t, save it to the never new year resolution. There is only one solution here. Love! Fall in love is just the starter. After you love him, you will find out, there is no so happy nor so sad. Everything just happened like it used to be, and you will find that both of you are in the perfect fit.

Sist, you still though give me insight. Yeah. I should try it first yeah.

Off course. Never judge him anyways. You are not a perfect person, also. Me, whuaaaa, me, never ask me. i know what i want but he still doesn't know what he wants.

Sist, you know exactly what he wants. A perfect life! Meaning, wealthy, wealthy, and about woman? hmmm, he has plenty. he he he.

He he. or could be just not woman, man also. Who knows. In one part, you already find a great man but you don’t know whether he is the one or not, well for me that is not a big issues anyways. And in the other part, though I know what I want, I’m still here, standing tall, no solution.

Lemme repeat, my question again “how do I know that he is someone that I really want?”

The answer is “you never know”.
====================================================================
Because you just know how you feel and if you start willing to make him happy and smile that is the sign that you are falling in love. Then, if you feel there is no happy nor no sad, but everything seems in perfect fit, that is the sign that you find a delicate soul to fill your long lost soul.

To whom I wrote this, you always have “home” in me.

hingga kini, selalu 'mu!

pakai bajumu,
tanggalkan kenanganmu,
rapikan daftar panjangmu,
sampaikan padaku.
tanpa ragu.

Tunggu aku.

kamu tahu,
aku tersenyum untukmu.
hanya saja kamu ragu.

senyum ini hanya untukmu!!

beratus sms yang kukirim untukmu,
sapaan pagi yang kuruntuhkan pada keningmu,
dering telpon yang kutujukan untuk suaramu,
'mu! untukmu.

senyummu ini hanya untukmu!!

jadi,
akan basi tanya lagi dan lagi,
'benarkah ini?'.

How could you?

How could you say that I forget you?
How could you say that I’m a playgirl?
How could you say that you just a fling for me?
How could you say that I’m always wif guys, guys, guys?
How could you say that?

======

How could you say that I’m a playboy?
How could you say that I forget you?
How could you say that I don’t miss you?
How could you say that I’m always wif girls, girls, girls?
How could you say that?

======

just stop saying "i know you" to each other.
we never know the ending of what-so-ever whatever will be will be.

aku ingin mimpiku!

kirim kembali janjimu itu,
lewat belah paha yang kau lewatkan melalui ciummu.

ku butuh mimpiku,
yang pernah terisi dengan gautan jari di balik kaca waktu itu.

hampirkan dengan tertanda dirimu,
"pencuri mimpi!"

hei, jangan diam dan tak bergeming.
pergi sajalah.

"dasar penjahat!"

untuk senja

Sedang kucari senja yang tentram di lekuk matanya,
Senyaman awal bertemu dan menukar senyum saat bersapa.

Sedang kuraba senja yang penuh di sudut bibirnya,
Semisal tak ada kata utuh namun desahnya menyapa.

Sedang kurapal mantra untuk retaskan pada senja.

a crossroad

We met,
We share.

I listen to you,
You listen to me.

I dance with you,
You dance with me.

I lay on you,
You lay on me.

I shout out to you without reason or with reason,
You shout out back to me without reason or with reason.

I smile to you,
You smile to me.

I work, work, work, work,
You work, work, work, work.

I sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
You are awake for the sake of what-so-ever.

I’m awake for the sake of nothing,
You are stranded in drink, drink, drink.

We met,
We share.

I listen to you,
You try to listen to me.

I dance with you,
You try difference dance with me.

I try not to lay on you,
You try to still lay on me.

I keep silent,
You are going nowhere.

I find it hard to smile,
You still not recognize it.

I work and pretend to be a hard worker.
You work, work, work, work.

I’m awake for nothing
You sleep with something

I miss you
You miss me too by the way.

We met,
We share.
We sleep.

We met.
We share.
We slap to each other,
for the sake of what-so-ever.

wanna be loved not be adored

Wait, I will be there.
I just have to wait for the next bus.
I wear my green shirt wif this brown skirt.
I bet you will remember.

Be patient.
So sorry I didn’t buy the ticket yesterday.
If we can’t meet up today, then tomorrow will be ok, rite?

Wait, I will be there.
I just have to wait for the next bus.
Accompanied by this book, and a sms from you,
- I know that you don’t want to be adored so I won’t, I love you-

and I’m the one who adore you.

stupido

If stupid is a fruit that would be a bitter fruit
If stupid is a wrong turn on way back home that would because my mind has been hijacking
If stupid is a colour that would be a dark colour which is stranded in a rainbow.
If stupid is me, that would because of doing many wrong things, and who knows what next!! stupid.

Anonymous Inspiration

As long as I become a regular customer here, I hardly see her. Now, almost at above 9pm, she is there. Sitting in the corner, with her laptop and some books, off course with a cup of espresso. Sometime alone, sometime with some fren, she seems doesn’t care with anything goes around. She looks tired but she kinda feels comfort with the situation. She is definitely a writer. I saw her picture in a magz a few weeks ago. I like her writing; about politics but she writes it in a funny, sarcastic ways.
All I know is her name, Canting. Javanesse name. Sophisticated name just like the way she is. She is tended to be a quiet woman. I’ve never seen her dominating the conversation, she likes to be an observer and busy with her laptop.
Standing across her, in the bar, all I can do just finding a moment to see her smoking her cigarette. I love the way she do it, so intens. I can make every girl to be mine but with her, I have no idea. She’s different. I always feel a bit intimidated when she is staring at me with her look “go to hell”. I think she hates me, but I don’t know why. She’s just the way she is. I don’t know whether she is smart but not pretty or she is not smart but pretty or I just scared that there is someone who is smart and pretty. She’s so perfect with all her imperfection.
Canting, I think I’m starting to feel the butterfly in my stomach.

============================================================

I never like this place. It’s too crowded.
It was a month ago, my friend persuaded me to come. He said “Come on Canting, now is time to move. Don’t you feel a bit bored; always do the writing in this place?”. Yeah, you rite. Let’s move then.
So, here I’am, always sitting in the corner, waiting my friend to come for meeting, networking, or just sitting with me, they do the talking and I’m just listening, like always. In a sudden, my eye had caught an interesting imperfection. Arrogant, a bit cassanova, absolutely an alcoholic, simply a lonely guy, with different girl everytime he comes in. I always find pleasure when I caught his eyes staring at me. That is the time I can give a look “you are nothing”. I always hate someone who thinks he is simply irresistible because he has money, he has company, he has the look and he definitely doesn’t have manner. I’ve ever heard his friend call his name “Banyu”. Banyu, he is simply annoying me, everytime he comes with different girl, and he just keep drinking and flirting, just makes me sick.

“I think you are starting to like him” Anna, said to me.
“no way!.”

Well, no way or yes way. Perhaps she is rite. Now, everytime when I enter, he is the one that I’m looking for. If he is there, I’m definitely happy, strange isn’t it? Why is that? Is he something now?.

ruang(nya) hawa

Hanya dapat kututup dengan lembar sutra,
tak bermantra,

Tanpa harap,
Tanpa kata,
Tanpa ruang,

Berharap iring wangi dapat menyentuhnya,
dengan merajuk,
mabuk,
dan menusuk rusuk.

hingga,
seperti adam merucutkannya pada hawa.

dalam rasa

Landainya daratan bukan bermakna licin dan tak bertuan
Surutnya air pasang bukan berarti tenang dan bisa berenang

Jika seluruh ciptaan seperti yang terlihat,
Mengapa harus ada hati yang tercipta untuk menyimpan?

Jika panca indera menangkap persisnya,
Mengapa harus ada sentuhan untuk memastikan?

Riuhnya angin bukan berarti remuknya dahan yang tetap terpasang di ranting,
Lebatnya hujan tak bermakna bagi bambu yang kokoh terpaku pada akarnya.

Jika lembaran hidup seperti yang ingin terlihat,
Untuk apa ada makna didalamnya?

Mata tersaji untuk pengelihatan
Hidung tercipta untuk penciuman
Telinga ada untuk pendengaran
Pengecapan untuk menikmati,
dan,
Hati untuk merasakan dengan segenap cipta yang ada,

bahwa mawar yang jatuh remuk dan terinjak tetap bermakna sebuah mawar yang mampu membawa harum bagi siapa yang bernyawa,

bahwa matahari yang redup karena hujan tetap menuai hangat bagi yang mampu merasakan lembutnya sentuhan sesudah tangis menetes.

titik nol

ranting pohon berwarna coklat dengan daun yang mulai menguning.

andai raga tak lagi ada sambung nyawa,
mungkin daun tak mampu lagi berwarna.

its matter

every time is moving.
every count will be disappearing.
every path has to be filled.

time always be a time,
days always be a days,
and that has never be changed.

but life remains changed.

as long as time give you enough time,
and days give you enough laugh,
and friends give you enough hands to hold,

it is time for eyes to see,
for ears to listen,
for lips to say,
for heart to stay to find what so called home.

the best yet to come but if the best come,
time won't give enough time to think,
and days won't give enough space to move.

just do it.

that's life.
cherish what we've already had.
and be gratefull on what we've been starting.

*First step always be the hardest step but keep continuing on our first step in every wish we had!!!*

kita, terbang.

Arti rasa yang pernah kita cecap tak akan pernah pudar,
Rengkuh kalbu yang pernah kita toreh selalu terpendar.

Senyap yang berganti tawa,
Tangis yang berganti riang,
dan sendu yang selalu terusap dengan hati manis.

Kita.
dengan segala apa yang dunia beri,
akan selalu ada kita.
sejati kawan yang tak akan melepas genggam sempurna.

Teriak kencang,
Menangis luruh,
Bersorak riang.

Hanya kita, kawan!!
Tunjuk bintang,
Bungkus dengan kotak bulan,
Lapisi dengan pita merah milik kita!

Raih jemariku,
Dan kurengkuh pundakmu.

Hanya kita, kawan!!
Berlari mengejar badai kerlip cahaya.
Menari mengiringi topan bunga.
Bernyanyi melampaui titik nada.

Kita tahu,
kotak bulan itu akan selalu milik kita
dan pita merahnya akan selalu menjadi petunjuk,
Hanya untuk kita, kawan!!


*rasa syukur atas segala marah, paksaan, nasehat buruk (dan baik), senyum tulus (dan terpaksa), dan genggam tangan (kita). Langkah kaki kita akan menapak dengan rasa setinggi surga”

meminta, percaya, menunggu (sushi)

Menyukai itu seperti minum ocha dingin saat buka puasa.
Adem dan menyegarkan.

Memusuhi itu seperti saat kita kekeringan dahaga,
Air tak ada dimana-mana.
Panas dan menyebalkan.

Merindu itu seperti ingin makan sushi tapi dompet tipis tak ada kredit.
Jadi jari digigit,
dan liur pun berlomba membanjir.

Merasa cemburu itu seperti sudah makan sushi dan ternyata pesanan orang lain.
Dan kita hampir-hampir merasa kehilangan sushi itu.
Padahal sushinya sudah dimakan separuh.

Merasa sedih itu seperti sudah makan separuh dan ternyata sushinya tetap diambil pelayan karena,
Pesanan orang lain.

Lalu mencintai?
Mencintai itu seperti sudah makan sushi, dan ternyata pesananan orang lain,
Dan ocha pesanan juga terlambat datang,
Namun, kita tetap menunggu sushi pesanan datang karena,
Kita telah memesan dan hanya menunggu.

*masak sihhhh.....*

Pak Lliard bikin bingung

(Obrolan dengan teman dekat tapi gak dekat....)

Suatu waktu ada yang bilang, menurut Baulliard “ media membuat realitas menjadi tidak obyektif, segala sesuatu menjadi tidak otentik.”

Lah, kok bisa? Media apa dulu nie?

Ya,menurut pak Lliard seh media apa saja, majalah remaja, majalah dewasa, majalah tanaman, koran kriminal, televisi, opo wae lah, getooo...ndeso men seh gak ngerti.

Lah, ikut ngubrul-ngubrul gini dengan sampeyan ya baru ini kok. Njelehi men tho!

Piye, jadi gak nie tak ceramahi? Jadi yo, mumpung aku lagi panas ni.

(dididik sebagai priyayi jawa yang pantang untuk menolak seseorang yang memelas) yo wes...tak ngrungok’ke...

begini lho jeng... kita ini gak ada yang otentik, semua bentukan dari media.
Coba bayangkan ya, dari kecil kita sudah dijejali beragam media yang mengatur bahwa seseorang dikata cantik kalo begini begitu...

Contohnya piye jeng? Yen ceramah ki seng jelas...

Ya contohnya...kamu kan dari kecil udah tahu mana yang cantik mana yang gak dari mana tho?

Dari mataku sendiri tho...lha po dari matamu? Khekekekeke

Ngawur!!
Dari yang terdekat, ibumu.... pendapat ibu bisa dibentuk dari media yang menggembar gemborkan bahwa cantik adalah yang “putih, tinggi, langsing, dll”. Diinget-inget tho...pas kecil kan mesthi kamu dikasih tunjuk...”cantik ya mbaknya...bersih kulitnya terus cantik ya soalna bla bla bla....” hayah!!

Bener juga... (sambil manggut-manggut sepertinya mikir tapi ya cuma basa-basi)

Kamu tidak akan lepas dari media sepanjang hidupmu...
Mbok yo arep menyepi pun, kamu tidak bisa lepas dari efek media yang pernah kamu baca.
Ini tidak hanya fashion. Hampir semua pendapat terlampir dengan jelas di media. Pagi-pagi kita baca koran, isinya kan ya itu pendapat tho, pendapat jurnalisnya, pendapat yang ngomong, lah terus obyektifnya dimana?

Ya dimana ya? Sek sek...ya obyektif dong, wong semua dipampang disitu, baik yang pendapatnya sok pinter atau yang pendapatnya disertai penelitian yang valid. Iyo ra? (mulai gak basa-basi)

Bener, bener... media mempengaruhi cara kita berpikir. Itu bagus, memberikan kita pencerahan jeng, memberikan kita sudut pandang lain, nah itu yang dibilang Baulliard “media membuat realitas menjadi tidak obyektif, segala sesuatu menjadi tidak otentik.”

Piye tho kui? Ra mudeng.

Jadi secara tidak sadar pemikiran kita sudah kurang obyektif dengan kata lain kita sering kali mengambil suatu kesimpulan berdasar dari pendapat “A” terus dari jurnalis “B” yang kemudian kita olah dengan rasa dan pikiran kita, nahhhh terus jadinya seolah-olah itu pendapat kita. Tetapi benernya itu sudah bentukan dari media-media yang kita baca, kita lihat dan kita resapi. Intinya, pemikiran kita ini sebenarnya sudah tidak otentik pemikiran kita sendiri. Otentitas itu sebenarnya tidak ada lagi. Toh kalau mau disebut bahwa hasil penggabungan dari beberapa pendapat dan kita simpulkan dan kita bentuk menjadi pendapat baru, boleh saja itu disebut obyektif dan otentik tetapi sudah tidak lagi utuh, bunder dan bulet.

Tapi tho jeng, itu juga bagus tho. Jadi media membantu kita untuk memahami dengan lebih luas, iya tho?

Lah iya...itu bener banget. Masalahnya bukan media itu bagus atau tidak. Hanya saja perlu disadari bahwa obyektifitas itu makin susah dicari dan otentitas semakin tidak original lagi.

Nah, terus obrolan tidak jelas kita ini obyektif atau tidak? Otentik atau tidak? (cerdas! seneng saya punya temen cerdas)

Yaaa jelassssss tidak!! Wong jelas-jelas kita mengobrol menggunakan pakemnya Baulliard.

Oh, bener-bener...sampeyan cerdas jeng.

Me versus "Me"

Today, yups today,,,it is raining all d time since yesterday. Gezzzzzzzz,,,I feel so bored when I woke this morning. Njizzzzzzz,,still wanted to sleep, sleep and sleep but have to work.
Then, here I come, sitting in my room, in front of laptop and starting to write all this crap.

Should I go or Should I stay?
That question keeps ringing in my mind. What if your heart says different with your thought? Which one u should pick then?
Should I go or Should I stay? Bloodyyyy hard to choose.

Perhaps some of you already know the reason why I came up with that question. For the rest who don’t know,,,please bear in my mind not to ask anything excapt reading this crap.

Should I go?
I prefer to go because there is nothing left. Perhaps it is still something left but i feel like it useless to keep anymore. If I go, would I be happy? If I go, would I be strong enough to leave all things behind? I would answer this question with I don’t have no idea.

Should I stay?
I choose to stay because I deserve a second chance. In what purpose? To be happy!. Definitely I could answer it. I want to be happy. It has been a while for me for not feeling the freedom to be happy. Well, there is an obstacle. If I choose to stay it means,,,I have to fight like “joan of arc” and I’ve got to win. The only option is I have to win this battle (if I could say this is a battle).

Between the sorrow and the willingness to be happy, it is hardly to choose.
Every option will be leaving consequences.

Should I go?
The only consequences is I will loose the best thing and perhaps,,,just perhaps,,,I will get another. Am I ready to loose the best thing?

Should I stay?
The situation will be so pathetic but yups, I will get the best thing that I really really want,,, Am I ready to fight?

Which one that I will choose?
With vodka in my right hand and accompanied by my very best friend,,, I will make up my mind and choose between should I stay or should I go. Wish me luck,,,and I hope just hope that I could choose the right one.

ucapkan saja

kerongkongan ini kering,
karena berteriak terlalu sering,

hati ini penuh,
namun hanya terisi lagu yang berserak dan tak utuh,

jemari ini lemas,
hanya untuk menulis tentang rasa yang telah teremas,

apapun itu,
teriakan itu hanya satu kata "rindu",
lagu itu hanya satu bait "tentang rasa",
tulisan itu hanya satu makna "sayang".

jika bisa ada ungkapan merangkum semua duri ini,
yang sontak menusuk dan membuat luluh, lantak dan berderai,
namun membuat hati berwarna merah jambu dan air mata terurai,

maka,
"rindu", "tentang rasa" dan "sayang" tak lagi tercerai,
seperti padan kata yang tak saling memiliki,

namun,
melekat seperti pasang nafsu yang tak lagi sendu,

hingga,
teriakan ini,
lagu ini,
dan tulisan ini, hanya akan menekan pada lirih tentang "cinta yang kini".

*say it,

perfectly enchanted

Not morning nor evening,
Not things nor meetings.
Not giving nor wanting.
Not keeping nor resting.

Quote in love is not enough.
Words in care is not good enough.
Greetings is not warm enough.
Just showing with heart is enough.

menarilah

Bisik angin melembut dengan jemari,
Menyentuh halus menyisir epidermis,
Lekukan ujung jari menekan dengan ritmis.

Meraba pelan,
Mengucap tenang,
Mengecup ringan,

Mata tak cukup tertutup,
Bibir tak cukup menutup,
Hati tak cukup berkuncup,

Bertautan,
Beriakan,
Bertatapan.

Ucapkanlah,
Peluklah,
Berujarlah dan lantanglah.

Hanya kita yang tahu,
dan kita yang mau.
karena kita tak lagi ragu.

butterfly,

, has flied already.
With secretly kept as a dirty laundry.
, relieved in perfectly.

Time to spring,
Time to swing,
Time to fling.

sparks in,
not in eyes nor in hands,
dazzle in,
not in lust nor in dash.

In passion,
In admiration,
To whom it has to be in love with.

sapa(nya)

Rasa yang tinggal hanyalah diam,
Membalut nada yang sendirian teredam,
Pelan menguntai kuncup yang belum pasti tenggelam.

Kala itu yang sendiri,
Kala kini yang menyepi.

Jika jerit sanggup berseru sendiri,
Perlukah rintih menjadi abadi?

*ini ada karena itu terjadi.