The Christmas Whislist

My Christmas whislist :

1. Le noir pump Jimmy Choo and the YSL bag.
2. A new home in January
3. A great time in Singapore for new year's with old and new friends.
4. A lovely X'mas dinner with family
5. The last : My man

*not too much to ask !*

menyesap candu

sekali lagi aku tersontak dengan satu kata " candu "
dan,
sekali lagi aku mendongak melihat sosok dan terbersit satu " aku mencandumu "

seperti rokok yang buruk tapi tetap ku sesap.
seperti coklat yang buat gigi busuk tapi tetap ku kunyah.
seperti sepatu berhak sembilan sentimeter yang tetap kugunakan hanya karena aku merasa seksi karenanya.

dan,
seperti itulah aku mencandumu.

dan,
kau mencanduku seperti yang kau ucap padaku.

karena setiap kali menyesap rokok, coklat tak bersisa dan berjalan dengan hak sembilan sentimeter, aku merasa bersenggama denganmu.

Seperti yang kau selalu bilang padaku " setiap kujauh, aku ingin bersenggama denganmu"

Aku mencandumu seperti kau mencanduku.

enchanting perfection

Lyra smiles when enter the lounge.
Sitting in this corner, always get the good feeling. Surrounding by crowd and people.
“Lyra come here !” Canting shout to me.
“Yeah I’m coming darling. What’s the new things ? Where’s Banyu?”
“Hmmm to Bangkok this time. The new thing ? Besides we still don’t agree yet we will married or not? No. Only we love each other. Stop talking about me Lyra, how’s in your side? Find an interesting imperfection lately?”
“Well working in a famous magazine in the world, doesn’t mean you find love easily hei Canting”
“Shut up, drink this first!” Canting offers Lyra the JD on the rocks.
“Find one here Lyra, you should relax for a while, with a man for sure after your last lousy relationship with the bastard.”
“Only two types of guy in this world darling the bastard and the gay one, and I gladly found the bastard.”

Suddenly Lyra caught an interesting imperfection. A sad interesting imperfection actually. A guy is kissing a girl in the opposite of the corner. A very lusty kiss with the hooker. A splendid view with a delightful creature.

“Oh Lyra not again, you are too much in love with a risk. Kevin is not a good guy.”
“Do you ever believe there’s a good guy in this world? Well except Banyu because he will die soon.”

The view so excites her. The bastard and the hooker.
Lyra loves trouble or she can’t avoid trouble.

==

“ Nice view I’ve got here since then” Lyra shaking the glass and speaking loud to Kevin ears.
“ Haha, thanks ! many found the same also.”
“ Really ? Can do it again then.” Lyra said to him while put the hooker near her.
“ Surely!”

==
“ Nice view again?” Kevin asked Lyra.
“ It’s ok. Lyra.” While shaking Kevin hands.
“ Kevin”
“ I know, my friend Canting told me about you” she is pointing to Canting
“ Ah ! Not a good thing I guess”
“ Certainly not Sir. Cheers ? “
“ Cheers ! “

==
“ Lyra, I can see you already know Kevin” Canting is approaching to Lyra and Kevin.
Lyra and Kevin look at each other and say “ with the good view”
“ Don’t get too drowned to each other. You both are much in love with trouble”
“ Lyra is in love with trouble ? Hmm interesting.”
“ No Kevin, I’m not in love with trouble it’s only my guilty pleasure. You ? “
“ An enchanting perfection, it's my guilty pleasure also“

My Journey of Dreams !

I want to write some of my achievement which has nothing to do with prizes.

Learning Neuro Linguistic Programme with Krishnamurti was such an amazing process for me. I know that I can change my life like the way I want through life learning with him. Then after deliberately used it, I know at that time I want :
1. Study Overseas in Europe with my own money or scholarship
2. Have my own psychological consultant
3. Have experiences to manage a national event
4. To be a collumnist
5. Have experience to be choosen as one of the candidates in magazine's contest what-so-ever.

and,voila !
1. I've got twice scholarship and able to go to Holland for study in 2005 & 2007. Yes indeed only for diploma programma but I'm able to do it by myself...not because of my parents or my boyfriend or my husband money.

2. Yes !! I've built my own office... under the name Personal Growth Center,you can open the web at www.personalgrowthcenter.wordpress.com. It was my dream to have my own office before 30 years old. Bloody hard but Damn Good !!

3. Believe it or not, I manage 2 national event that was held only in 1 week difference ! First as a chairperson in National Rotaract District Conference 2008 - Rotary Club and second as chairperson in Career Expo Central Java. Yes, I wanted to dissapear at that time because it was so hard to do it in the same time. Luckily I have a lot of great people behind me.

4. Still not having a superb achievement but yes I write in some magz and tabloid these days. Above all, I want to write in a national magz. Wish me luck !

5. Unbelievable experiences... I've be choosen as a semi finalist for fun fearless female cosmopolitan magazine 2009. I'm not becoming the finalist is because I know exactly I was so lame in interview section ! hahahaha, in front of those famous people, I'm just so terrified but indeed it was a great experience !!


My NEXT JOURNEY OF DREAMS : just wait, I'll reveal if it's coming true...

Reality Bites series 1

I will start a fact with not necessary fact with a cruel comment about it.

Fact 1.
I'm only 5'4 inch average with 1,64 m.

Fact 2.
I love dogs and I really hate people who hates dogs.
The fact that I love dogs makes me really judge people and avoid people who hates dogs. Pardonez-moi, but the attitude of being.."hiiii...ohhh, i'm so afraid of the dog" really make me itchy and want to slap them. Stand still, they won't bite anyway. Afterall, you eat their meat if it serves in the table !

Fact 3.
I don't like driving but I have to drive by myself. That's why these days I limit the frequent of driving.

Fact 4.
I love to hang out with my close friend. For me, there are 3 level of friend : a friend - a good friend and a close friend. A best friend ? It's only for my mom and my man.

Fact 5.
You will never believe in me, but I'm really open minded yet thrilling to do a new adventure ! such as what ? you'll never guess about it.

Fact 6.
I love sexy stuff. I mean sexy...it's sexy.

Fact 7.
I love ice-tea. I have to drink that once in a day. Not any ice-tea, a homemade ice-tea.

Fact 8.
Writting is my pleasure, though I don't have much time these days. If you caught me writting then that's the moment I can make love with life.

Fact 9.
I found myself not a musical person(though I learn to play piano since I was kids), not able to play any instrument, and not able to sing. I like to hear people play, sing or create a music but never ask me to do so.

Fact 10.
I don't like conflict. You'll find me rarely have a fight or a conflict. Some says it's really hard to make me angry. But yes, If I already feel insulted, I will act nicely then I will stab your life in front of your face and then I go away. Then be aware of me.


10 Fact for series 1 is enough ! I will continue again for the next round.

better ?

teriakanku seperti tak terdengar...lagi.
mungkin,

better not to yell nor to hail.
better not to say nor to ask.

mataku mendadak memejam...lagi.
mungkin,

better not to see
better not to try to see.

telingaku tak mampu menangkap secuil irama...lagi.
mungkin,

better not hear,
not to listen,
not be ever...never...catch the voice.

sampai kapan ?

status

statusku berubah.
bukan single,
bukan in a relationship,
bukan engaged,
atau
married.

statusku berubah.
status : in a flat moment !

muak !

rasanya sudah separuh jalan ku baca buku lama ini,
sepertinya halaman yang ada tak kunjung usai,
dan cerita semakin saja membosankan !

rasanya setiap larik kata yang tertuang, membuatku muntah !
rasanya setiap jejak pen yang pernah menancap, membuatku menganga !
rasanya setiap jemari yang pernah ku sesapkan untuk membalik, membuatku ingin menusuk !

cerita yang memuakkan !

Many The Miles

Many the miles as feels like an inch. Touche !!

bibit koma

bibit koma muncul lagi,
belum memiliki titik,
bahkan tanda seru maupun tanda tanya.

tak tanggung,
hanya satu koma,
namun sayang beserta titik titik kecil seperti soal ujian tertulis.

jadi,
artinya menyebalkan.

salah isi,
bisa jadi titik.

I'm in love with life !

Entah sang waktu ingin berkenalan denganku,
atau aku yang ingin menggodanya.

Setiap ku membuka mata,
ada ritmis tajam berdegup,
getar berpola dalam jemari tanganku,
rasanya ingin mengayun dan berlari,
mencoba untuk memperkenalkan diri pada sang waktu.

Rasanya tak tahan bila harus tertinggal.
Rasanya tak tahan bila saat akan terlelap merasa jauh darinya.

Entah sang waktu ingin memecutku,
atau aku yang ingin membuatnya terpana.

Kali ini,
aku jatuh terpana.
bahwa sang waktu sangat berkuasa.

Sentilannya membuatku tersuruk,
Raihannya tak kuasa melepas tawa.

Sepanjang aku bernafas,
ia selalu menyentil, meraih dan membelalakkan mataku,
bahwa,
hanya satu yang kupunya,
Sang Waktu !

tak penting hari kemarin atau hari esok,
sang waktu saat ini yang dapat kupegang, ku gunakan, dan akhirnya ku buang sebagai masa lalu.

Entah sang waktu ingin mengenalku,
atau aku sangat memujanya, hingga selalu merasa klimaks setiap dapat membuangnya sebagai masa lalu dan mendapatkannya sebagai masa sekarang.

Entah,
aku terlalu jauh cinta padanya, karena ia memberiku hidup dan membuatku hidup !


( di meja kantor, sembari menyadari bahwa sekarang aku membutuhkan lecutan keberanian indah untuk semakin hidup, Selasa - 16.20 )

aku dan kamu (kita)

kamu,
mengepak hatimu dan kamu masukkan dalam kemasan

kamu,
membungkam ribuan kata dan menutupnya dalam label surat

kamu,
mengancingkan rasa kedalam bungkus rapi.

dan,
kau berikan semua kemasan, surat dan bungkus itu padaku,
seraya berucap,

ku pasrahkan hatiku, ribuan kata dan rasaku kepadamu.
karena,
ku tahu bahwa kau akan membuat hatiku lebih besar dari kemasan ini,
menambah kosakata indahku di setiap detiknya,
dan,
akan membuat bungkus rapi ini tergantikan dengan hatimu.

ku pasrahkan hatiku, ribuan kataku dan rasaku kedalam hatimu.
dan akan ku lapangkan hatiku ini untuk memberi ruang seluasnya untuk hatimu.

aku dan kamu.
kita.

can-du (ku)

ada yang pernah mengucap padaku.

candu.


rasanya seperti mengambang.
lalu kucoba untuk mengurainya agar terasa berdebam rata, nyata.

can-du.


alih-alih berdebam. aku makin mengambang.
karena can-du membuatku kembali merangkum huruf menjadi kata,
dan kata menjadi untai.

can-du.


apa mau dikata terhadap apa yang telah terkata.

can-du.


yang terucap untukku,
menjadi ucap juga untukmu.

can-du.


(te-ri-ma-ka-sih)

ujung hati

Ku ambil segelas untuk menemani ujung hati

Jika cinta adalah panas, maka ia telah melumerkan peti esku tanpa harus merusaknya.

Jika cinta kemudian tertancap, maka ia telah mengoyak nadiku tanpa harus membuatnya luka.

Jika tancapan itu berarti tinggal bersama dengan nadiku, haruskah darahku menerima.



Ku raba lagi geletar hatiku, sembari ku sesapkan vodka pada ujung kerongkongan

Tapi sudah ku tetapkan, darahku menerima dan tak terluka.


Ku sesapkan kembali cairan itu pada ujung lidah. Kali ini dengan lega.

Berdua

Ingin teriak kegirangan.
Meloncat tak karuan.

Sembari merasa berdebar-debar.
Berdua.

Berdua berteriak kegirangan.
Berdua meloncat tak karuan.

Berdua. Kami.

rindu. titik.

aku benci merindukanmu,
seperti saat aku sendiri di kantor dan hanya menghadap laptop,
dengan hati meraung meminta isi darimu.

aku masih saja merasa rindu,
seperti berteriak dengan suara empat oktaf,
kemudian merasa bahwa teriakan tak mampu juga mencapai klimaks menemuimu.

ah, aku malas merindumu,
seperti bertubi-tubi mendapat pekerjaan tambahan yang menyenangkan namun tak tahu kapan selesai.

aku rindu kamu titik.
seperti empat hari ini serasa empat minggu dengan menit berjalan empat detik lebih lama dan hitungan waktu serasa memusuhiku.

titik. rindu. titik.