arghh!!!

Buruan nafsu tak melibas cinta yang ada.
Seandainya dunia hanya sejengkal saja,
ku tafsirkan mata itu dengan lega,
kamu menguras hasrat dengan warna merah menyala ,
dan,
kita bertemu di titik tengah dengan bara dipuncaknya.

*lost in lust, wif my twin soul*

stupid cheating conclusion!

“He is cheating on me”
Why?
“Huaaa, why you ask?”
curiousity, sighh...
“With her assistant, ahhh, I should know it”
Hei, you are cheating also, rite? Why you are being mad at him?
“But he is cheating on me.”
But you are cheating also.
“But he doesn’t know if I’m cheating on him”
Hmmm, does it make you could be mad at him?
“Off course!! Because I know.”
If he knows that you are cheating also, then?
“Hmmm, I could tell that I do it because he did it first”
But you do it before he is cheating on you
“Yeah. Does it make me like a b#**h?"
Nope. Perhaps. Hmmm,,,
“Why?”
Is there anyone in this world ever be really really faithfull in his/her relationship? Why cheating seems like a sin from hell?
“Make sense.”
Well, cheating happen for a reason.
“Such as?”
When you are in a relationship, you want both of you could play a different role everytime. In one time, you want your partner to be your lover, then perhaps sometime you want him to be a big brother, next time, both of you in a same portion as a discussion partner, hmm,, and then he could see you also as his trully best friend.
“………” (Confused)
Perhaps just perhaps, when he thinks that you are his best friend that is the time when he thinks he could be cheating. Because you are just his friend. Stupid conclusion yeah?
“Yeah, so stupid.”
I know. Lets just ditch the one nite stand and get settled.

postpone the death

These couple of days my friend feeling not healthy. He feels that he is going to die.

Mark: dear, my dear,,, im going to die.
Me: stupid.
Mark: yeah, but i think im going to die.
Me: sigh. Coz of what?
Mark: thinking of you.
Me: have u already taken your med?
Mark: you are my med.
Me: now i think im the one who is going to die.
Mark: how come.
Me: coz you punch me in the heart. i cant breath now.
Mark: oh dear. You know u still not loving me back. It makes me sick.
Me: so die lah. You told me that many times.
Mark:...........
Me: Ok then, if you gonna die, I wish that God would give you the best sit in heaven.
Mark:............
Me: already die now?
Mark:.............
Me: dont forget to bring your cellphone, to tell me whether you already safely arrived in heaven or not,,,and if you can’t call me then send me a sms or email me. hei, already die? Seriously?
Mark:.......
Me: hmmm,,, ok, then dont forget to remember our beautiful time together,,,
Mark:........
Me: Mark,,,i think im gonna miss you,,, dont leave me.
Mark: think im not going to die.
Me: why?
Mark: I postpone it because you dont want me to leave you. I could die at anytime but think i have to wait till you love me back...
Me: yeah, I already told angel of death if someone named Mark come, plizzzz reject him and send him back to earth.
Mark: i know exactly that you would be feeling so lonely if im not around. You need me la.
Me: stupid but rite.

my shout to Paris

Paris!!!
do take care of my soul.
bring him back to me alive and still freaksolutely in love with me.

*tu me manques.

Kangen.

Kangenku seperti kehilangan buku kesayangan yang belum habis kubaca.
Saat menemukan bagian paling menarik,
Mendadak, bukunya dipinjam teman.
Itulah rasaku padamu. Kangen. Titik. Tidak lebih, tidak kurang.

so called "home"

from thousand lips who said “dear”,
from thousand arms which hug with care,
from thousand footstep which we spent,

I just need one to whom I could kiss as a “home”,
to whom I could hug as a “home”,
to whom I walk with and I feel “home.

…is you as my home.

aku pulang

Laut aku pulang.
Aku rindu sejukmu,
Menawar apa yang tak tertawar lagi di riuhnya debu ini.
Aku rindu deburmu,
Tak kuasa lagi menunduk tak berujung melawan badai ini.
Aku rindu airmu,
Panasnya seperti tak kunjung henti.
Laut aku pulang.

merasai resah

Lukisan putih bersemu nilamu bisa jadi saksi!

Bila malam itu,
resah ini mulai tipis seperti selembar kain sutra itu.
dan,
mata mulai berbinar seperti kunang-kunang waktu lalu.

tempo yang tak ragu

kubuka piringan lama itu,
dan kutemukan lagu untukmu.
Seperti nada yang tinggi dan rapi,
Membuatku berjingkat dan menari.

dan sekarang,
Kutemukan nada baru di lagu itu.
Tempo itu menyertakan aku.
Dengan tiga tangga nada dan detakan yang tak ragu.

Hingga, lagu itu tak lagi untukmu.
Lagu itu untuk ku dan kamu.

*(kepada siapa yang kuingin dia singgah)

Kala

Seberapa jauh sebuah redam menuai sunyi,
jika kala menanti hari diujung senja?

Seumur mata memandang langit,
Sepertinya redam terus berdentam tak kunjung sunyi
dan kala selalu menanti hingga titik senja.

sepertinya ajaib...

Ajaib..
ada yang aneh kali ini.
seperti bunga matahari yang mekar di salju.

Ajaib..
pasti akan terjadi sesuatu yang ajaib.

disaat mata tak kuat menahan lelah,
tubuh laksana bambu yang terus menerus diterpa angin,
dan rasa yang hilang ditelan kosong,
bisa jadi ini memang ajaib.

Malaikat yang baik hati,
biarkan ajaib ini berakhir dengan pendar mata,
tegapnya raga,
dan penuhnya rasa.

sedekat ini atau sejauh itu?

jika selangkah berjarak hanya seinci,
rasanya seperti seribu langkah harus kulalui.

jika memang harus kupacu secepat ini,
mungkinkah kan ku dapati?

...you never know

She asked me sumthin funny but though kinda tickle me “how do I know that he is someone that I really want?”

Fyuihhh, darling, you are asked to the wrong person, I’m still single and still though don’t find any delicate soul to feed my long lost soul. Why you asked anyways?

Sist, you know there is someone that always brings you back and it never takes too long?

Yeah, then?

Argh, why I never feel so in love to him? Why sometime he makes something better better so bad, or makes me happy and sad at the same time.

So, what do you want, sist?

Don’t have any idea.

Ah, then you have to find it first. After you find what you want, you can come back to me and complain about him.

I really want to know what I want. How?

How? You are the only one who know, if you don’t, save it to the never new year resolution. There is only one solution here. Love! Fall in love is just the starter. After you love him, you will find out, there is no so happy nor so sad. Everything just happened like it used to be, and you will find that both of you are in the perfect fit.

Sist, you still though give me insight. Yeah. I should try it first yeah.

Off course. Never judge him anyways. You are not a perfect person, also. Me, whuaaaa, me, never ask me. i know what i want but he still doesn't know what he wants.

Sist, you know exactly what he wants. A perfect life! Meaning, wealthy, wealthy, and about woman? hmmm, he has plenty. he he he.

He he. or could be just not woman, man also. Who knows. In one part, you already find a great man but you don’t know whether he is the one or not, well for me that is not a big issues anyways. And in the other part, though I know what I want, I’m still here, standing tall, no solution.

Lemme repeat, my question again “how do I know that he is someone that I really want?”

The answer is “you never know”.
====================================================================
Because you just know how you feel and if you start willing to make him happy and smile that is the sign that you are falling in love. Then, if you feel there is no happy nor no sad, but everything seems in perfect fit, that is the sign that you find a delicate soul to fill your long lost soul.

To whom I wrote this, you always have “home” in me.

hingga kini, selalu 'mu!

pakai bajumu,
tanggalkan kenanganmu,
rapikan daftar panjangmu,
sampaikan padaku.
tanpa ragu.

Tunggu aku.

kamu tahu,
aku tersenyum untukmu.
hanya saja kamu ragu.

senyum ini hanya untukmu!!

beratus sms yang kukirim untukmu,
sapaan pagi yang kuruntuhkan pada keningmu,
dering telpon yang kutujukan untuk suaramu,
'mu! untukmu.

senyummu ini hanya untukmu!!

jadi,
akan basi tanya lagi dan lagi,
'benarkah ini?'.

How could you?

How could you say that I forget you?
How could you say that I’m a playgirl?
How could you say that you just a fling for me?
How could you say that I’m always wif guys, guys, guys?
How could you say that?

======

How could you say that I’m a playboy?
How could you say that I forget you?
How could you say that I don’t miss you?
How could you say that I’m always wif girls, girls, girls?
How could you say that?

======

just stop saying "i know you" to each other.
we never know the ending of what-so-ever whatever will be will be.

aku ingin mimpiku!

kirim kembali janjimu itu,
lewat belah paha yang kau lewatkan melalui ciummu.

ku butuh mimpiku,
yang pernah terisi dengan gautan jari di balik kaca waktu itu.

hampirkan dengan tertanda dirimu,
"pencuri mimpi!"

hei, jangan diam dan tak bergeming.
pergi sajalah.

"dasar penjahat!"

untuk senja

Sedang kucari senja yang tentram di lekuk matanya,
Senyaman awal bertemu dan menukar senyum saat bersapa.

Sedang kuraba senja yang penuh di sudut bibirnya,
Semisal tak ada kata utuh namun desahnya menyapa.

Sedang kurapal mantra untuk retaskan pada senja.

a crossroad

We met,
We share.

I listen to you,
You listen to me.

I dance with you,
You dance with me.

I lay on you,
You lay on me.

I shout out to you without reason or with reason,
You shout out back to me without reason or with reason.

I smile to you,
You smile to me.

I work, work, work, work,
You work, work, work, work.

I sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
You are awake for the sake of what-so-ever.

I’m awake for the sake of nothing,
You are stranded in drink, drink, drink.

We met,
We share.

I listen to you,
You try to listen to me.

I dance with you,
You try difference dance with me.

I try not to lay on you,
You try to still lay on me.

I keep silent,
You are going nowhere.

I find it hard to smile,
You still not recognize it.

I work and pretend to be a hard worker.
You work, work, work, work.

I’m awake for nothing
You sleep with something

I miss you
You miss me too by the way.

We met,
We share.
We sleep.

We met.
We share.
We slap to each other,
for the sake of what-so-ever.

wanna be loved not be adored

Wait, I will be there.
I just have to wait for the next bus.
I wear my green shirt wif this brown skirt.
I bet you will remember.

Be patient.
So sorry I didn’t buy the ticket yesterday.
If we can’t meet up today, then tomorrow will be ok, rite?

Wait, I will be there.
I just have to wait for the next bus.
Accompanied by this book, and a sms from you,
- I know that you don’t want to be adored so I won’t, I love you-

and I’m the one who adore you.

stupido

If stupid is a fruit that would be a bitter fruit
If stupid is a wrong turn on way back home that would because my mind has been hijacking
If stupid is a colour that would be a dark colour which is stranded in a rainbow.
If stupid is me, that would because of doing many wrong things, and who knows what next!! stupid.

Anonymous Inspiration

As long as I become a regular customer here, I hardly see her. Now, almost at above 9pm, she is there. Sitting in the corner, with her laptop and some books, off course with a cup of espresso. Sometime alone, sometime with some fren, she seems doesn’t care with anything goes around. She looks tired but she kinda feels comfort with the situation. She is definitely a writer. I saw her picture in a magz a few weeks ago. I like her writing; about politics but she writes it in a funny, sarcastic ways.
All I know is her name, Canting. Javanesse name. Sophisticated name just like the way she is. She is tended to be a quiet woman. I’ve never seen her dominating the conversation, she likes to be an observer and busy with her laptop.
Standing across her, in the bar, all I can do just finding a moment to see her smoking her cigarette. I love the way she do it, so intens. I can make every girl to be mine but with her, I have no idea. She’s different. I always feel a bit intimidated when she is staring at me with her look “go to hell”. I think she hates me, but I don’t know why. She’s just the way she is. I don’t know whether she is smart but not pretty or she is not smart but pretty or I just scared that there is someone who is smart and pretty. She’s so perfect with all her imperfection.
Canting, I think I’m starting to feel the butterfly in my stomach.

============================================================

I never like this place. It’s too crowded.
It was a month ago, my friend persuaded me to come. He said “Come on Canting, now is time to move. Don’t you feel a bit bored; always do the writing in this place?”. Yeah, you rite. Let’s move then.
So, here I’am, always sitting in the corner, waiting my friend to come for meeting, networking, or just sitting with me, they do the talking and I’m just listening, like always. In a sudden, my eye had caught an interesting imperfection. Arrogant, a bit cassanova, absolutely an alcoholic, simply a lonely guy, with different girl everytime he comes in. I always find pleasure when I caught his eyes staring at me. That is the time I can give a look “you are nothing”. I always hate someone who thinks he is simply irresistible because he has money, he has company, he has the look and he definitely doesn’t have manner. I’ve ever heard his friend call his name “Banyu”. Banyu, he is simply annoying me, everytime he comes with different girl, and he just keep drinking and flirting, just makes me sick.

“I think you are starting to like him” Anna, said to me.
“no way!.”

Well, no way or yes way. Perhaps she is rite. Now, everytime when I enter, he is the one that I’m looking for. If he is there, I’m definitely happy, strange isn’t it? Why is that? Is he something now?.

ruang(nya) hawa

Hanya dapat kututup dengan lembar sutra,
tak bermantra,

Tanpa harap,
Tanpa kata,
Tanpa ruang,

Berharap iring wangi dapat menyentuhnya,
dengan merajuk,
mabuk,
dan menusuk rusuk.

hingga,
seperti adam merucutkannya pada hawa.

dalam rasa

Landainya daratan bukan bermakna licin dan tak bertuan
Surutnya air pasang bukan berarti tenang dan bisa berenang

Jika seluruh ciptaan seperti yang terlihat,
Mengapa harus ada hati yang tercipta untuk menyimpan?

Jika panca indera menangkap persisnya,
Mengapa harus ada sentuhan untuk memastikan?

Riuhnya angin bukan berarti remuknya dahan yang tetap terpasang di ranting,
Lebatnya hujan tak bermakna bagi bambu yang kokoh terpaku pada akarnya.

Jika lembaran hidup seperti yang ingin terlihat,
Untuk apa ada makna didalamnya?

Mata tersaji untuk pengelihatan
Hidung tercipta untuk penciuman
Telinga ada untuk pendengaran
Pengecapan untuk menikmati,
dan,
Hati untuk merasakan dengan segenap cipta yang ada,

bahwa mawar yang jatuh remuk dan terinjak tetap bermakna sebuah mawar yang mampu membawa harum bagi siapa yang bernyawa,

bahwa matahari yang redup karena hujan tetap menuai hangat bagi yang mampu merasakan lembutnya sentuhan sesudah tangis menetes.

titik nol

ranting pohon berwarna coklat dengan daun yang mulai menguning.

andai raga tak lagi ada sambung nyawa,
mungkin daun tak mampu lagi berwarna.

its matter

every time is moving.
every count will be disappearing.
every path has to be filled.

time always be a time,
days always be a days,
and that has never be changed.

but life remains changed.

as long as time give you enough time,
and days give you enough laugh,
and friends give you enough hands to hold,

it is time for eyes to see,
for ears to listen,
for lips to say,
for heart to stay to find what so called home.

the best yet to come but if the best come,
time won't give enough time to think,
and days won't give enough space to move.

just do it.

that's life.
cherish what we've already had.
and be gratefull on what we've been starting.

*First step always be the hardest step but keep continuing on our first step in every wish we had!!!*